5 Types of Kontrabida Pinoy Teachers
Kids who grew up in the 1970s to 1990s could probably relate to this. Back then, we had no social media, no Bantay Bata 163, no classroom security cameras and we were not pampered in any way.
That means that if our teacher beat us with a stick, our parents wouldn’t probably hear of it unless we tell them.
Many teachers have touched our lives one way or another. Some go above and beyond just to help us cope with the lessons. These teachers take paltry pays but serve with all their hearts. These teachers become our idols. We want to be like them. We want to please them.
Then there are the kontrabida teachers. The “terrors” who, when walking along the corridors, seem to bring thunder and lightning with them. Just one look and a raise of her tattooed eyebrows will make you pee your shorts. Maybe you have encountered one of these at some point.
The Businesswoman
This “ma’am” sells anything and everything. Calendars, posters, raffle tickets. She has no shame selling these to kids, with our paltry baon (allowance) and will unabashedly announce additional points for those who buy her merchandise. Of course, if you’re about to fail her class, you would probably skip lunch for days just to buy a handful of calendars. You bring them home, nanay asks what they’re for. You just tell her “hinatag ni ma’am” (given by our teacher). Win-win. You pass her class, ma'am earns moolah.
The That’s Entertainment Wannabe
This teacher somehow manages to include songs and dances in almost all of her lessons. She sings the loudest and with much gusto, even makes her “I love mathematics, yes I do!” sound like a The Voice audition piece. She hops around like a bunny, wiggling her hips and egging you on to sing and dance with her. Her classes are fun, and her energy level is way up there. Wala’y (no) energy gap.
But, if you fail to match the energy of the class kay wala ka na purga ni mama, gi hilantan ka, nag minghoy kay nawala imong jackstone, or ga sakit imo tiil kay ga Chinese garter ka pag lunch, good luck to you.
The IDGAF
Now the IDGAF is such a broad spectrum, but these are basically teachers who want their rules to be followed, regardless of your discomfort. Here are a few of them:
IDGAF 1: “You cannot go out while classes are going on”. You drank too much Chocolait (probably called Chuckie chocolate drink now) during recess and you need to pee. You raise your hands and say “Mam may I go out?” She stares at you, visibly annoyed at being interrupted. “No!” she barks. So you sit and hold it in until you can’t hold it in anymore.
There’s an alternative scenario: Someone who ate too much peanut butter during recess, badly needed to go to the toilet, was denied and…. Well, you know the rest.
IDGAF 2: “You follow my pace”. You spaced out, got distracted by how your kaka (spider) lost to your classmate’s kaka. Or you’re wondering if your mom packed you Marie biscuits again for recess. When you snapped out of it, your teacher is already on page 20, while you’re still on page 5. You’re lost. Even those who did not space out appear lost. Your teacher speaks fast, writes fast and explains fast. You raise your hand to ask some questions. She places her hands on her hips and scolds you “Dili man lagi ka maminaw! Gi sulti na ko na ganina, Pedro! Bahala ka!” (You don’t listen. I already discussed that earlier!)
IDGAF 3: “….” So there’s another IDGAF, who really doesn’t care what you do during their class. This IDGAF just gives you assignments and it’s up to you to learn on your own. Because we had no gadgets back then, this IDGAF would allow the class to do whatever they want (naay mag duwa ug jolen) while she reads her Mills and Boons paperback.
The Examiner
This teacher loves giving quizzes, long exams, you name it. Most likely, oral recitation is also scored in his/her classes. He/she calls on you just at the right moment – when you are yawning, your eyes glazing over and you’re about to keel over your chair.
The examiner may not necessarily be a kontrabida. He/she may just want to test if you have absorbed anything. Maybe.
The examiner gives exams all year long, even during intrams, after school breaks, or even after a typhoon hit your area.
That's why the moment he/she steps inside the classroom, you already have your Mongol No. 2 pencil and 1/2 sheet of paper ready.
The Hilabtanon (Meddler)
Okay, okay. This teacher is not necessarily a kontrabida.
Have you ever had a teacher who would ask the class to line up so she could inspect your ears for atoli (earwax), your nose for kugmo (booger), teeth for cavities, nails if they’re long, hair if they’re clean-cut, your notebook if your penmanship is neat, your bag if you don’t have leftover food from last month in it, or your shoes if they’re busloton (have holes)?
“Hilabtanon kaayo si mam uy,” you probably thought.
This teacher would also walk around while you copy notes written on the board, giving comments about your hugaw (dirty) notebook, half an inch Mongol pencil that you’re still trying to write with (wa kapalit c mama, mam), penmanship, or kuto (head lice) crawling on your head while you’re bent over writing your notes.
She probably means no harm, and may just be looking out for you. Or she’s projecting her obsession for cleanliness, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Still, hilabtanon jud kaayo cya.
Happy Teachers' Day, Ma’am / Sir!
Today, October 5, we celebrate Teachers' Day in the Philippines. So for all our teachers, kontrabida, bida and those in between: happy teachers' day. Thank you for touching our lives (whether for the better or worse haha) :)
